My biggest experience with responsibility in recovery is to take responsibility for my own recovery.
In my first attempts at working the program I took no responsibility for it. I would wait for my sponsor to call me before I would call him. I would get angry that my sponsor was a hypocrite because he didn't call me. I would put other life maintenance ahead of doing my step work, then I would do the work on my sponsor's time. I would wait until somebody called me and showed they "cared" before I would get back to meetings. I would go to meetings and wait for someone to inspire me before I would try to share and I would leave dissatisfied if the meeting was "sick". I would blame my wife for not making sure I had quiet time for prayer and meditation. Worst of all I would wait for someone to ask me if I wanted to go to carry the message at H&I and I rarely got to do this. Then I would complain that no one asked me to sponsor them.
I couldn't stay sober.
When I came back this last time I was so desperate that I was willing to change everything starting with my initiative to work the program.
I didn't wait for the "right" sponsor or the popular sponsor. I grabbed a guy with 30 days who I heard come out of the Big Book and I asked him if he could sponsor me. I prioritized my step work ahead of everything else, my wife and job and my hobbies to make sure I was ready when it was time to meet with my sponsor. I would call him ahead of time and make sure that he could meet and that he remembered.
I had to do this because I was a chronic addict.
Today it is my responsibility to make time for prayer, meditation and evening review. I am responsible to stay accountable to my sponsor. I am responsible for teaching my sponsees to work a program and rely upon their higher power not on me. I am responsible for doing my part in meetings to share from my experience with this program so that there are no bad meetings. I am responsible for seeking out H&I meetings and reaching out to those who are trying to get sober.
My parents taught me responsibility when I was a kid but I lost that character trait in the years of my disease. The program has given this back to me in my life. Today I am presented with a great deal of responsibility in a job that I love. Today I get to be responsible for the care and formation of 4 beautiful little children. Today I get to be responsible for being a good husband to a loving wife. Today I get to be responsible for a home and a few vehicles and some finances.
Most of the time today my motivation to work this program is because it inspires me. Sometimes I have to do it because I am a chronic addict.
