Thursday, December 15, 2011

It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. (Alcoholics Anonymous, 88)


I once had the misfortune of experiencing the consequences of resting on my "laurels." It was the first time I worked the twelve steps. I was impelled into a recovery community where I had a spiritual experience and a psychic change. I got a sponsor, took my inventory, confessed my secrets, made amends, prayed daily and carried the message. In short, I worked the twelve steps thoroughly.

For a time I continued the daily practices. But, once I began to reap the fruits of recovery, a restored marriage, career, family, hobbies, and all sorts of other personal affairs. My spiritual activities began to drop off. The result was that one day I woke up alone in a hotel amid a relapse. I banged my fist on my head and wondered "how did this happen?"

It took me a few tries again to work the program have it stick. Each time I wondered "where did I fail?" "Did I not really mean it last time?" "Was that not really a 'vital spiritual experience'?" "Am I just never going to get it?"

I noticed (acrimoniously sometimes) that others did not have nearly as much understanding, belief, or devotion to the twelve step process as I felt that I did. Some did not practice the steps as thoroughly nor know as much about them as I did. In fact, I felt like I was one of "the winners" subgroup. But, why was it that some of them stayed sober and I didn't.

I also noticed that some people did some things more thoroughly, for longer, than I did. Some people continued to write inventory daily. Some devoted more focused time in meditation. Some went to more meetings than I was willing to go to (especially further along into their recovery). But none of what they did was not in the book, they just followed it more precisely, for longer, than I did.

Long story short, I eventually found the willingness to keep sobriety a priority past the six month mark and beyond. I made it past the hump and it stuck. The answer for me was to keep up my spiritual program of action, even after I experienced a recovered life and busier affairs.

I like to draw a parallel to physical fitness. I know how to eat right, work out, and keep fit. I believe in physical fitness, and I could preach it well. But, I don't actually practice a fitness program. Fortunately for me I have a high metabolism and am thin so I appear fit. I know some folks who are heavier that me but work out every day. If they had to run 3 miles to save their life, they could. But I might not make it.

Thus it is with spiritual fitness. Other people might not have to work at it. They might just have to commit to moral good and be able to pull it off. I on the other hand have experienced spiritual malady and recurrence after recovery. I must practice a spiritual program of action to keep spiritually fit.

The bonus is that I get a life that is better than good.



Mission

This is a blog about one man's experiences in 12 step recovery and the spiritual life. ~