Friday, April 30, 2010

Who are We?

The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us. But that in itself would never have held us together as we are now joined. The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution.   Alcoholics Anonymous Pg. 17

From the time I first began attending 12 step meetings I noticed what seemed to be two sets of voices.  There were those who talked explicitly about their past and their problems, but vaguely about the solution.  Then there were those who spoke in general terms about the past, but precisely about their nature and how to recover.  I saw the merits of both, but those who talked too much about the program of action seemed rigid and shrill to me, even though they made sense and seemed more forthright.

Being that I was rationally undisciplined, and identified more with drugalogues and issues, I gravitated toward the easier way.  The bunch that did not say things that pressured me with any difficult ideas were much more attractive to me.  This path was broader and less demanding.   But, I could not find the stable and lasting sobriety that I needed.

The identification, friendship, and support that I receive from the fellowship is great catalyst for beginning recovery, it is indispensable, but it has a shelf life. I will eventually run dry unless I take action to get connected to a Higher Power.  I am grateful for those who stood by the principles of the program and were not dissuaded by the desire to please everyone.  I was able to remember their perspective when I needed to consider what I should do different.

I had to come back to the 12 step fellowships several times before realizing lasting sobriety.  I found the willingness to commit myself to the spiritual solution and to practice it.  When I orient myself to the part the sober network that guides me to do the work, I establish and maintain an unlimited connection to that Power which is God.

This being said, I have found that if all I talk about is the work, then I don't make that connection to the addict who is still suffering.  It is very easy for me to get on a spiritual mountain top and think that identification is not important.  I have to make a conscious and deliberate effort to balance my attitude to include both elements of the cement that binds us.

Today I am bound to my fellows by what it was like, what happened, and what it's like now.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Step 4

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Alcoholics Anonymous, Pg. 64

I often took stock of things when I would try and get sober.  I would look at my finances, my physical fitness, my housekeeping, the upkeep of my vehicles, etc.  But I could never bring myself to take a thorough look at my ideas and beliefs. The thought of taking moral inventory was highly objectionable to me.  After taking step 2 I began realizing that my I had undue revulsion for this and I began to question it. I realized that my distorted sense of morality was defending itself from inquiry.  This is where my addiction lived.  It was afraid to have the light of truth shine in and reveal it for what it was. I was afraid.  

The fourth step is the key to unlock the door of denial and to allow me to move out of self-centeredness.



Monday, April 12, 2010

5 Steps to Conflict Resolution

1. Self Control and Self Searching - I can't be objective or rational if I can't control my emotions. Step away and calm down.  Search out the source of my misdirected instinct.
2. Own my motives and actions - Ask myself: What have I done to contribute to this situation? Are any of my needs or actions based on misdirected instinct instead of rational thinking?  Think of what I can control, my feelings and actions.  Let go of what I can't control, the other person's feelings or actions.
3. Be Contrite (or Willing) - Surrender my willfulness and ask God for forgiveness, strength, and healing.  Base my sense of resolution on our well being not on the circumstances or outcome. Change my attitude to embrace recovery over revenge.  Consider that the resentment and broken relationship may be more harmful than the circumstances of the wrong (or perceived wrong).  If I struggle with this, at least consider that contrition is the best policy be willing to let God change me.
4. Empathize - Forgive the other person, put myself in their shoes.  Allow the other person to own their own feelings, or be wrong. Trust that they will change on their own time frame. Be willing to admit and fully accept the wrongs that I commit.
5. Restitution - Make amends.  Admit my own faults and apologize to them verbally as soon as possible. Make restitution as soon as possible if needed. Remember action speaks louder than words!

Mission

This is a blog about one man's experiences in 12 step recovery and the spiritual life. ~