I originally thought that simply doing God's will and taking a personal inventory were not the real path to sobriety for me because I was a person of good morality, good will, and good conduct, except for my drinking and using.
I was just an actor then. My morality was a superficial act put on so that I could get along and get what I wanted. I had some realization of conformity but I didn't truly know the nature of the workings of the psyche and I was limited by my self-centered perspective.
When I took the inventory I found that there is a deeper level at which my morality and conduct operated in which my discontent (that led to my drinking) was formed. I didn't realize that people could be so good on the outside but be so bad on the inside. But I realized that I did know this all along!? Yet I lived in this delusion! I learned how I truly needed the power of commitment to God and the perspective of others to break the distorted perception of my self-centeredness.
Today I have to ask myself, "Am I still the actor who wants to run the whole show?" Am I truly willing to let God run the show, or am I trying to wrest satisfaction and happiness from this world by managing well? I can still fall into the trap of becoming the actor in sobriety.
Am I living in spiritual make-believe where I tell myself that I am spiritually virtuous and self-sacrificing but life doesn't treat me well? Am I trying to manage too many things or accomplish too much in the time I have under the justification that they are morally righteous? Am I discontent over my unrealized ambitions?
Am I setting expectations for the moral and spiritual conduct of others? Do I have a simmering discontent over the circumstances in my life? Do I live in a delusion?
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change!
Am I living in spiritual make-believe where I tell myself that I am spiritually virtuous and self-sacrificing but life doesn't treat me well? Am I trying to manage too many things or accomplish too much in the time I have under the justification that they are morally righteous? Am I discontent over my unrealized ambitions?
Am I setting expectations for the moral and spiritual conduct of others? Do I have a simmering discontent over the circumstances in my life? Do I live in a delusion?
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change!