I celebrated my 5 year sobriety birthday on September 18th.
That morning I woke up from a long drawn out nightmare that my life was a mess. In the nightmare I had just come back from a long relapse, I was apart from my family, I didn't have a job, I was disowned by my parents, I was living in a halfway house and I didn't have money to eat. I remembered walking out of a restaurant where my wife had met me but it felt terrible because we weren't together we were just tending to some business. I felt ashamed, despondent, lonely, and afraid.
I woke up and realized that it had just been a nightmare. I realized I was back to my real life. I was in bed with my wife, I had three more kids, it was time to go to my job, and I am sober. I breathed a big sigh of relief and gratitude.
As I started my prayers I remembered 5 years ago when something similar happened.
That day I woke up and had been dreaming about my life. In the dream I was going through a routine day, I played and cared for my son. I went to my job, I came home to my wife, I went to meeting, and laughed with my friends. Then I woke up to a dreadful reality. I was in a hotel room and I suddenly felt horrible. I was coming off of a binge and I had used all the dope that I was supposed to sell. I was alone, hungry, sick exhausted, and despondent. I had lost my sobriety and everything good in my life. I was baffled and couldn't believe this had happened again. I desparately wanted my wife and my son and my old life back.
That morning, 5 years earlier, I woke up from a dream into a nightmare.
On my birthday I woke up from a nightmare into a dream.
On my birthday I got to go to my job and be productive.
On my birthday I got to go to a meeting and read and shared about step 10.
On my birthday I got to come home to a loving wife and kids who are happy to see me.
On my birthday I got to pitch in my son's baseball game.
On my birthday I got to have dinner with my parents and they said they were proud of me.
Today I got to live a dream.
Thanks be to God for keeping me clean and sober today and for the last 5 years.
